-----(Arnold Schwarzenegger) Thespian Gutten day to you. Here I'm being on
ze
set of mein latest moofie. Eet's the latest moofie in mein strings of
mega-hits. First zere was za Terminator, zen zere was za Predator... zis
one's called za Laminator. Eet's about zis handyman on a mission. Eet's
drama. Very funny stuff. You'll chust luff it. I know you vill. Leaf a
messich after za beep. Don't say you can't. Ve haf vays off making you
talk, you know. BEEP

Buck Rogers) I'm in the Magic Kingdom right now, so I can't come to the
phone. Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the
tone? Sure... I knew you could. BEEP


(Darth Vader) Speak, worm! BEEP




(Elvis Presley) I can't come to the phone right now. Actually I can't do
much of anything right now because I've been dead since 1977. But my spirit
lives on and if you'd like to leave your name, I'll try to contact you via
ouija board, Madame Zenda or garbled tape recording. This is also the
number of John F. Kennedy, John Lennon, Harold Holt, Lucille Ball, Roy
Orbison... BEEP



-----


(Ensign Chekov) Oh, sair... it was Khan! He made us say things... do
things... he kept us from answering the phone! But Keptin was strong, and
if you leave your name and the name of your station, Keptin will get back
to you as soon as he can! BEEP

-----

(Kylie Minogue) I'm unable to come to the phone right now cos I'm making a
movie, or a video, or a new album or something, but I'll get back to you
next time I'm in Australia. and if that's you Jason, I stick by what I said
last night. You wear your underwear and I'll wear mine. BEEP

-----

(Lt. Uhura) Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please? ...
Captain, there is a transmission coming in on hailing frequency seven, do
you want it on screen? BEEP

-----

(Margaret Thatcher) You have reached the residence of the Prime Minister at
No. 10 Downing Street. When you hear the beep, sit up straight, speak
clearly and distinctly and STOP doodling when you're talking to me! And
Dennis, if that's you, how many time have I told you abut staying at the
club after 9.30? We've been a very naughty boy, haven't we? BEEP

-----

(Mikhail Gorbachev) This is Nonoxynol-9, the persona and private telephone
number of Mikhail Vladivostok Gorbachev, General Secretary of the Supreme
Council of the glorious Communist Party of the Union of Sovjet Socialist
Republics, Commander-In-Chief of the Combined Armies of the Proletariat
Peoples of Russia, First Citizen of the Order of Lenin, Supreme Patron of
the Soviet Institute of Literature and Domestic Sciences, President of the
Soviet People's Council of Peace and Happines and Captain of the Kremlin B
Squash Team. But hey, call me Mike. BEEP

-----

(Sarah Ferguson, giggling) This is Fergie... er
(sound of hand being placed over receiver, aside) Andrew! What's that title
again? What?
(normal) Oh hello, this is the Duchess of York. The Duke and I are out
skiing, so when you hear the jolly old pip pip, leave your message and
we'll give you a tinkle when we get back - in November. BEEP

-----

(a busy signal) BEEP

-----

(advertisement voice) In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife.
(in the background: loud Heeeeee-YAH! smashing something) But this method
doesn't work with a telephone call...
(dial tone) Introducing the all-new GINSU answering machine! It cuts, it
chops, it slices, it dices your incoming calls! How much would you pay?
Don't answer, because if you leave your name and number when you hear the
tone, we'll throw in a return phone call ABSOLUTELY FREE! BEEP

-----

(advertisement voice) It's time to play "What's Your Business" starring
you, the caller. That's right, you get to leave your name and number on
this amazing machine! But that's not all, if you leave a brief message and
the time that you called, you could win our fabulous Grand Prize, a RETURN
CALL! Good luck, and here's the beep. BEEP

-----

(after a general catastrophy) I'm not in cause I'm out looting! Leave a
message and I'll call you back and tell you what I got. BEEP