Two morons are trying to measure a telephone pole. They keep 
trying to climb it and keep sliding down.

Along comes this really big, musclebound shmuck and says, 
"Hey, what are you guys doing?" The two idiots say, "We're 
trying to measure the height of this pole."

The schmuck wraps his arms around the pole, pulls it out of the
ground, lays it down and measures it. Then he picks it up, puts 
it back in the ground, says "40 feet" and walks away.

The first moron says to the other, "What a stupid idiot - we 
wanted the *height*, not the width."

Jon, a Scotsman, upon finishing his business in the outhouse, 
was pulling up his pants when a quarter slipped from his 
pocket, bounced once on the lid, and fell into the hole.  Peering 
ruefully into the hole, Jon muttered to himself, "For a quarter, 
Nae."  Upon which, he reluctantly withdrew another quarter from 
his pocket, let it fall into the hole to join the first, and remarked 
as he descended, "But for 50 cents, AYE!"