The microphone is handed to you. The clinking of glasses subsides. Two hundred expectant faces turn your way, waiting to be entertained. For many, delivering a Best Man or Maid of Honor speech is an exercise in pure terror. The pressure to be funny, sentimental, and appropriate all at once can be paralyzing.
But writing a humorous speech doesn't require you to suddenly become a stand-up comedian. In fact, trying too hard to act like a professional comic is usually where amateur speechwriters go wrong. The best wedding speeches rely on a few core principles of comedic structure applied to personal anecdotes.
Here is a guide to writing a speech that gets genuine laughs without alienating the bride's grandmother.
Rule 1: The Groom (or Bride) is the Punchline, Not the Victim
The primary source of humor in a wedding speech is usually gentle roasting. You have a captive audience and an intimate knowledge of the groom or bride's flaws, eccentricities, and past mistakes.
However, there is a fine line between a roast and an assassination. The golden rule is: mock the quirks, not the character.
- Good Roasting: Making fun of their obsessive need to alphabetize their spice rack, their terrible sense of direction, or the time they tried to give themselves a haircut during lockdown.
- Bad Roasting: Making fun of their previous failed relationships, their financial struggles, or deep-seated insecurities.
The humor should come from a place of deep affection. The audience must know that you love this person implicitly before you are allowed to make fun of them. Start the speech by establishing your bond, and then launch into the jokes.
Rule 2: The "Rule of Three"
The "Rule of Three" is the foundational rhythm of comedy. Humans are pattern-seeking animals. Three is the smallest number of items required to create a pattern and then break it.
When structuring a joke or a list within your speech, use two normal, complimentary things to set the pattern, and use the third item as the funny subversion.
- Example: "When I think of David, I think of three things: his unwavering loyalty, his sharp intellect, and his absolute inability to put together IKEA furniture without crying."
The first two items establish sincerity and lull the audience into a false sense of security; the third item serves as the punchline.
Rule 3: Show, Don't Tell (Use Specifics)
Amateur speechwriters often rely on broad, cliché descriptors: "He's a great guy," or "She's so much fun." Broad statements aren't funny. Specificity is funny.
Don't tell the audience that the bride is competitive. Show them.
- Instead of: "Sarah is super competitive."
- Try: "I knew Sarah was the one for Mark when they played Monopoly on their third date, and she threatened to call the police because he wouldn't sell her Boardwalk. That's true passion."
Humor thrives in details. The more specific the anecdote, the more vividly the audience can picture it, and the harder they will laugh.
Rule 4: The Pivot to Sincerity
A wedding speech cannot be 100% jokes. If you string together five minutes of non-stop roasting, it stops feeling celebratory and starts feeling mean-spirited.
The structure of a great wedding speech resembles a U-shape. 1. Start strong and funny (grab their attention). 2. Move into the gentle roasting and funny anecdotes (the lowest, most informal point of the speech). 3. The Pivot: Transition into sincere, heartfelt praise for the couple.
The pivot is crucial. The jokes serve to lower the audience's defenses so that the emotional resonance of the ending hits harder. The humor earns you the right to be sentimental.
Rule 5: Keep It Under 5 Minutes
Brevity is the soul of wit, and the savior of weddings. No matter how brilliant your jokes are, after five minutes, the audience is thinking about the open bar and the cake.
A tight, well-rehearsed three-minute speech that hits three solid jokes and one heartfelt sentiment will be remembered far more fondly than a rambling, ten-minute epic.
The Ultimate Failsafe: Self-Deprecation
If you are struggling to find jokes about the couple that feel safe, the easiest target in the room is yourself. Self-deprecation is universally endearing.
Making fun of your own nervousness, your inability to give a good speech, or how lucky the groom's new spouse is to take him off your hands, immediately puts the audience on your side.
Remember, the audience wants you to succeed. They are primed to laugh. Speak slowly, pause for the laughs, and remember that you are there to celebrate love—the jokes are just the frosting on the cake.