Humor Jokes

Babies and the Nurse

A doctor had just delivered twins. They were a boy and a girl. The head nurse brought them out for t...

Baking Cookies

"No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler."

Balanced Diet

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Broken Leg and the Drainpipe

A man tripped on the stairs and broke his leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that he wasn't...

Classified Ads

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. Our ex...

Cleaning the Cat

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water. 3. Obtai...

Cocktail Wieners

"I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners"

Doctor's Call

Husband's note to wife: "Doctor's office called and the Pabst beer is normal."

Eating Out Solution

Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.

Elevator Pinch

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was...

Faithful in Heaven

Three men died and stood in front of God. God asked the first if he had been faithful to his wife. ...

Fathers' Speed Contest

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are. The first one says: "Well...

Frenchman and Monkey Rocket Instructions

During the latest test of the rocket Ariane, a Frenchman was sent into orbit with a monkey. Each was...

Fridge Weight

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

Funny Job Application

Gardening vs. Housework

Gardening forever... housework, never!

Getting Off the Naughty List

"I can get you off Santa's naughty list."

Grandmother's English

A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychi...

Hardware Store Shopping

"You just go ahead," said the man to his wife when they got to the shopping mall. "While you're shop...

Hedgehog Cocktail Party

- A Hedgehog trained to scuttle up and down the table from guest to guest makes an unusual mobile ch...

Hitchcock and the Uncle

Alfred Hitchcock once said that when he was a little boy, his uncle would take him to dinner. At din...

How to Wash a Cat

How to wash a cat. 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the to...

Jet Lag Avoidance

- Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.

Johnny's Church Question

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in...

Kitchen-less House

My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.

Law Enforcement Rabbit Chase

The LAPD, The FBI, and The CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending crimin...

License Plate Hack

- Save money on expensive personalized car license plates by simply changing your name to match your...

Love and Office

Man's Wild Bar Challenge

A man walks into a bar he's never been in before and orders a drink. Behind the counter, he sees a o...

Memory Test

Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is th...

Passing or Being Passed

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? A: Make eye contact and wave "Hell...

Professor's Test and Payment

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went ...

Raggedy Ann Wig

"You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig."

Scout's Survival Kit

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the three most im...

Self-Improvement Steps

The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The thi...

Staircase Relief

A man tripped on the stairs and broke his leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that he wasn'...

Teenager's Condom Purchase

A teenage boy has a hot date one evening, so he decides to buy some condoms. He goes into the pharma...

Termites and Rats Warning

Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of t...

The Aussie's Wish

Three fellows were shipwrecked on a tiny island: a New Zealander, a South African, and an Aussie. N...

The Cough Drops

A man was walking home alone one night when he hears a BUMP BUMP, BUMP behind him. Walking faster, h...

The Lunchtime Jumps

An Irishman, a Mexican, and a redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor ...

The Pope's Driving Wish

The Pope was getting into his limo one night when he turned to the limo driver and said...

The Smuggler's Secret

Jose arrives at the Mexican border.

The Staten Island Ferry Misunderstanding

A depressed young woman was so desperate...

Unsatisfied Needs

"I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys."

Wedding Ring Care

A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the p...

Witness's Brutal Testimony

In a trial, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the s...

Y2K Toilet Paper

Do yourself a favor and take time out of your busy schedule and check your supply of toilet tissue. ...