Life Philosophies

1. Be a Fundamentalist -- make sure the Fun always comes before the
mental. Realize that life is a situational comedy that will never be
canceled. A laugh track has been provided, and the reason why we are
put in the material world is to get more material. Have a good
laughsitive twice a day, and that will ensure regularhilarity.

2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift, just for
entering - so you are already a winner!

3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That
is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision to me. That
way, if we don't like the programming we're getting, we can simply
change the channel.

4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop.

5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts,
thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a
condition called truth decay. So be sure to use mental floss twice a
day. And when you're tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what
we teach in Swami's Absurdiveness Training class: *Don't get even,
get odd.*

6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and
truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at
me. That way, there'll surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace
begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there,
pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace
everywhere.

7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the future, so
if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When
you find a fault, just don't dwell on it.

8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet
train the world, and we'll never have to change it again.

9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some
bad news and some good news. The bad news is there is no key to the
Universe. The good news is that it has been left unlocked.

10. Finally, everything I have told you is channeled. That way, if
you don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember, enlightenment is
not a bureaucracy. So we don't have to go through channels.