Collection of One-Liners

- If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.

- I don't get even, I get odder.

- I am having an out of money experience.

- I am in shape. Round is a shape.

- Insanity is hereditary . . . You get it from your kids

- I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of widths.

- Practice safe eating; always use condiments.

- You're never too old to learn . . . Especially if you have Alzheimer's.

- Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

- Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

- It hurts to be on the cutting edge.

- People who live is glass houses . . . Never get any privacy

- If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

- Too many cooks . . . Make more mess

- If it weren't for me, there'd just be a pile of my clothes on the floor.

- I am not a perfectionist. My parents were though.

- I do weight-lifting every morning -- Getting out of bed!

- Sticks and stones, may break my bones -- But whips and chains excite me.